he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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