Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
