i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
