so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Dick very happy bro
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
