Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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