i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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