i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
