i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You may now shotgun with the bride
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
