Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
