We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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