YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
