You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
