Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
