Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Randomize
