he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
