1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
