peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
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