get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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