The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
