Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Randomize
