Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
