i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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