Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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