I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
