My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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