Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
My pussy is not your playground.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
