i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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