last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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