I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
