Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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