You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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