I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
