Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
so much tequila, so little girl.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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