I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize
