There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
