so explain again why im purple
no
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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