everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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