Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
