What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Congratulations! We have a period
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
