so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
