Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
