It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
