if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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