Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
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I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
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she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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