yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
