if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
