you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Randomize