And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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