your parents love me but you hate me
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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