I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
