thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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