she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
