Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
