This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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