meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
