so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
splinters make it hard to masturbate
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
