I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
