Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
