I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
