Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
