i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Randomize
