I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
