oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
