I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
