I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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