Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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