You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
