she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
