She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
