I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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