I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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