I hate all girls vehemently.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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