I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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