just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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