Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Randomize
