Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Randomize
